If they clicked with you they'd have had a different response. As a slight aside, if only one or two people aren't fans of you, that may be down to an incompatibility.
You can't hit it off with everyone. If you find you get a cold reception from most people, that's tough, but there are tons of ways you can work on yourself and eventually get warmer responses. This article goes into more detail about the practicalities of telling people you don't a social life at the moment:.
This one plays into worries of being found out and judged. Some friendless people are so scared of their supposedly shameful secret getting out that they avoid socializing, because the topic of their friends might come up. They may even have exaggerated fears about someone painstakingly grilling them about their friendships until they're forced to confess how alone they are.
It varies from person to person, but I find people don't ask each other about their social lives that often. There are lots of other things to talk about, and everyone generally assumes other people have friends, and so don't feel a need to ask about it.
Naturally, they essentially never do in-depth interrogations. That's a distorted worst case scenario. Sometimes the subject does come up. Like someone might ask what your friends are up to this weekend, or who in your small school or town you hang out with. Again, this article goes into how to tell people. Overall, if you've been dodging social situations because you're worried everyone will suss out your friendless status within minutes of meeting you, realize that's not likely to happen.
If you don't have any friends it may make you unappealing in a self-fulfilling-prophecy way, by causing you to act too desperate, nervous, and overeager. However, those are all behaviors you can put a lid on.
For one, you can look at your situation differently, in a way that can reduce your desperation hopefully the article you're reading right now will help. You can also consciously try not to act in ways that read as needy e. The fear is potential friends will consider hanging out with you and then ask themselves, "Am I going to be their only friend? Will they want to see me and text me constantly because I'm all they have? Will they put too much pressure on me to be their everything?
If I don't feel like things are working out will I feel super guilty about ending it, and casting them back into their wretched, isolated existence? Do I want to shoulder all that? I think it's reasonable to say most people won't think this way, unless you give off really clingy, smothering vibes.
If you seem relaxed, like you can manage on your own, and like you won't suffocate them with your attention, their mind won't go there. On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation.
Click here to go to the free training. For a lot of social circles that's not the case, and they mostly talk about things besides each other or the antics they got up to last week.
Also, there are a ton of other ways to have interesting or entertaining stuff to add to a discussion. You can talk about a TV show you've been watching or a place you recently visited, or share your insights on a world event, or joke around, just to name a few options.
Some people with no friends spend most of their time at home, doing things they believe make them "lame" and "boring", like watching movies or playing video games. Why do they stay in so much? They may feel ashamed of their loneliness and are trying to hide from everyone. They may be feeling down and discouraged, and not be in the mood to go out.
They may unconsciously assume that since they don't have social plans to take them out of the house, they have no other option but to stay home. They may be younger, have some homebody tendencies, and just not be aware of all the things they could be doing outside their house or apartment. You don't need a social life to go out and do fun, interesting things. There's a lot you can still do on your own, which will give you things to talk about aside from other benefits, like just having a good time or maybe being able to meet people.
Again, to give a few options, you could go on a hike, visit an art exhibit, or see some live music. Also, while there are lots of upsides to getting out of the house, staying in and reading and playing games doesn't automatically make you boring. I get that if that's all you do you might want more variety in your life. But around the right people you could easily have a long, engaging conversation only about what books, movies, or games you've been into lately. The idea here is that people won't want to befriend you once they realize you don't have a group for them to possibly meet and hang out with.
This belief is also made up of several assumptions that don't hold up to closer scrutiny:. Some people really value possible new social contacts, but many don't. When they meet someone new they focus on that person and what they think of them, not what hypothetical connections they could make.
All else being equal, having a social circle to offer doesn't hurt, but there are dozens of other personal qualities people care about more. When you meet someone do you immediately start wondering how big their social circle is and what you could get out of it? If you don't, wouldn't it be reasonable to say some other people think along the same lines? The answer is no. Everything has its pros and cons, and in the same way, not having friends is not as bad as it is made out to be.
Having friends is good, but only if you have a healthy dynamic with them. Not being social is not a bad thing, as people portray it to be. In fact, all the time you spend alone can fire up your imagination, and help your creative juices to flow. This is especially in case of activities like painting, reading or similar things.
This happens to all of us — for instance, if we spend time with other people, you might not even realise it but your words, actions or mood might change to reflect the behaviour of those around you. If your friend is loud and outgoing, you might see yourself pick up those vibes. Mirroring is not a bad thing, but it takes you away from focusing on your perspective. If you recently lost your job, know that your situation will feel better a few weeks or months from now.
You might feel lonelier right now than you actually are. Main article: Having no friends at work. There might be several reasons for not having friends at work. However, in certain situations, you might work remotely, have very few colleagues, or just not have anything in common with them. Many have to start building their social circle from scratch. It usually takes around 50 hours of interaction to make a casual friend and more than twice as long to make a good friend.
Main article: How to make friends in college. In college, we meet like-minded people on a daily basis. After college, socializing suddenly takes a very different shape. Unless you want to limit your social life to your job or partner, you have to actively seek out like-minded people.
The simplest way to do this is to figure out in what way you can make your existing interests more social. There are usually many opportunities for this if you ask around: Even tiny hamlets have numerous boards for road maintenance, forestry, farming, or hunting that you can join.
Doing this gives you an automatic social circle. While this can sound intimidating, it has the upside that you can more easily seek out people who are more like you, using for example Meetup.
See my advice under Recently having lost your social circle. Not having any money can make it harder to socialize.
It can also feel embarrassing and make the idea of socializing sound less appealing. In addition to that, it can cause stress that makes it hard to focus on having a social life. If you are busy with work or studies, you might simply not have the time to socialize.
To prevent this, seek out a wider circle of friends. What are some meetups you could go to related to your interests, for example? It can be hard to suddenly have to make new friends again if you previously had a friend circle through your partner. Research shows that men especially have fickle social circles that are based more on activities, than emotional bonding.
On top of this, reaching out to others tends to be especially hard if you are heartbroken or sad. Doing so can also help take your mind off your ex. A cornerstone of making friends is to dare to take initiatives. It could be the initiative to exchange numbers and keep in touch, to invite someone to join you somewhere, to arrange a social gathering, or simply walk up to a new colleague with a friendly smile and introduce yourself. However, fear of rejection can keep us from taking initiative.
Throughout your journey, you will polish up on your social skills, and perhaps you are already better today than you were back when you got rejected last time.
The more you work on your social skills, the more likely you are to connect with others. This makes you less likely to experience rejection again. You can also change the way you look at rejection. The only way to never be rejected is to never take any chances in life.
Everyone experiences rejection. Socially successful people have learned to not be afraid of it. With this new mindset, work on your social skills and at the same time practice taking more initiative to meeting people and keeping in touch with them.
Here are some reasons we might feel this way:. To break out of this pattern, try to be warm and friendly toward people, despite fearing that they might not like you.
We humans tend to like those who like us. Psychologists call this reciprocal liking. Remind yourself that every person you meet is a new start. If you dare to be friendly, more often than not, people will be friendly back. Always challenge your internal voice.
It might just be your low self-esteem painting worst-case scenarios. Assume that people will like you until proven otherwise. It can also be annoying to hear people talk about meaningless things, and it can make us wonder if we even want to interact with anyone. The problem is that while many people might indeed be annoying or stupid, there are always thoughtful, warm, and friendly people out there.
If you find these people and befriend them, you will get a more rich and fulfilling life. It helps to go to the right venues. You often need to talk with someone for at least minutes before you figure out if you have something in common. While small talk can seem meaningless, it has an important function: It allows us to quickly get a picture of someone. No matter if we like small talk or not, every single friendship starts with small talk, so you might as well make the best out of it.
Read more about how to make small talk here. It can be helpful to break down your goals into small steps. Focus on one step at the time. Main article: How to enjoy socializing. The problem is that trust issues keep us from letting ourselves get close to new people.
To make friends, you have to let people in and get to know you. Practice sharing small things about how you feel and see the world, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Avoid controversial topics, but give people a glimpse of who you are.
For two people to get to know each other, they need to know things about each other. It will keep you from forming close relationships. In these types of cases, it can be helpful to see a therapist. You just need to find them. If you live in a small town and your social life is suffering because of that, consider moving somewhere else. Practice your social skills.
It takes good social skills to be able to get to know people and figure out that you actually do have things in common. However, we might also have a bad habit that comes between us and future friendships. While it can be painful to think about ways we can improve, it can make a massive difference to your social life.
Empathy is the ability to understand how others feel. In fact, studies show that people who score high on empathy tests have more friends. You can train your empathy by….
People with social anxiety usually have high levels of empathy. Someone with social anxiety might not have friends because they hold themselves back from meeting people, rather than lacking empathy.
However, we have to make small talk for people to get to know us and feel comfortable around us. All friendships start with small talk. You want to use small talk as a tool to paint a picture of someone and share a little about yourself.
Then, you want to be able to move on to more interesting topics so that you can start bonding. I provide several tips for how to do this in the article how to make conversation. We tend to bond faster when we have back-and-forth conversations: we share a little about ourselves, then listen attentively to the other person, then share a little more, and so on.
On the flip side, only talking about you quickly makes people tire. Aim for this balance between sharing about you, then asking questions, and listening attentively. Make it a habit to ask for the number whenever you come across someone you enjoyed talking to. What about trading numbers so that we can keep in touch? It can feel awkward and too intimate to ask someone you just met to meet up with you one on one.
If you for example know two people who are both as interested in history as you are, you can ask both of them if they want to meet up together over a coffee and talk about history. Some are so concerned with making others happy, that they hide their real selves. Being a people-pleaser can signal a desperate need for acceptance, and that makes someone less likable. Friendship is a two-way street. Do what you think is right for both of you.
Pick the movie you think that both will like. This is a common problem since we tend to tense up especially if we feel uncomfortable around others. If you can relate to this, practice easing up your face and having a friendly facial expression.
Avoid crossing your arms — this can also make you look reserved. See our article on how to be more approachable to learn more about effective body language.
However, being too negative causes most people to tire. While everyone has the right to bring up something negative occasionally, it will likely hurt your relationships if you are usually negative.
Sometimes, we may not even be aware of how negative we are. You can check if this is you by thinking about your ratio of positive and negative comments.
You want the positives to far outweigh the negatives. This is not the same thing as forcing yourself to be positive or not allowing yourself to have negative thoughts. The point is to talk less about the negatives in life when communicating with people. Self-awareness helps us see ourselves from a more objective perspective. Can you also come up with examples that do prove their point?
If not, great. Perhaps it was just something they said with no grounds. This type of for and against thinking will help you paint a more realistic picture of your behavior.
See our main guide on having friends but not having close friends. While there may be many reasons for friends not being there for you, we are going to focus on the things that you can do something about. If one or two friends give up on you or hurt you, the issue is likely theirs. Perhaps something happened in their lives, or maybe they are selfish or even sociopaths. This is not as bad as it may sound. This is a big difference because it means that you can work on changing that particular habit, and you will see an incredible upswing in your social life.
For tips on things that tire people out, read the previous chapter Common mistakes that make it hard to make friends. These same mistakes also tend to tire people out later in the friendship.
Talking about a challenge occasionally is fine and can even help them get to know you better. However, using your friends as therapists will wear on them. If you are able to go to a real therapist, you could do that instead.
If not, see if you can limit how often you talk to your friends about things that are emotionally taxing. You can also try online therapy. Clingy friends tend to need a lot of validation and can have unsaid expectations or rules that are easy to break, which then causes tension in the friendship. If you find that you do this, remember that friendship requires both people to be equally invested in the time you spend together. If you find yourself pushing for more than your friend can give, then try contacting your friend a bit less.
Focus more on getting to know other people to cover your social needs. You want to find a balance where you both feel comfortable. Perhaps last-minute changes rattle you. The new plan may not be better or worse, just different. Give yourself a chance to adapt. It could be good. It could even be better. There will always be individuals who are toxic, egoistic, and rude.
Main article: How to make friends.
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