I began to exist in a body that was not the body I was born in. It would be a beautiful feeling, looking down on the small, awkward actions of humans. Loved in a celestial way, without judgment or fear.
Missing one period was, maybe, a fluke, but when she missed a second time Cassie cornered the girl from her homeroom with the fierce Joan Jett eyeliner. Everyone knew Gail had been pregnant before, and some kids said twice. Cassie had already broken up with Jayben. She squeezed her eyes shut against the memory of the back seat of his truck, the slippery wet of his lips.
She could no longer abide the sour smell of boy, the damp weight of arms. She had sucked air quietly through her mouth while he held her and cried. Cassie looked blankly at Gail. All she could think about was how to get through the next hour, and the next.
She felt as if her feet were sinking into the mud and every day they sank further until her knees, hips, hands, were buried; her neck, mouth, eyes. The light was too direct, voices too loud, people ugly, food too watery or sparse or smelly. The bullet of flesh and cartilage lodged in her uterus was going to ruin her. She tore out a page and wrote on it. Cassie went into a stall, rolled up her sleeve, and copied the number in ink alongside the vein that ran up her forearm.
Then, for two hours on a snow-blown afternoon in January, Cassie disappeared. She walked, head down, past the lone protester carrying a color photograph of a fetus. She rode an elevator to the second floor, opened a waiting room door, smiled at the receptionist.
She clutched a plastic bag holding a pair of winter socks and lied to the woman about the friend. She sat in a cheap blue plastic chair and stared at the floor. A doctor passed through the room in shoes with thick, ridged soles, like her pediatrician wore. The baby would be adopted. Cassie would finish as much of the school year as she could. Before she got too obviously pregnant—.
Cassie acquiesced to everything. She understood she was no longer a girl that did things; she had become a girl that things happened to. For the next few months, Cassie kept to herself in case someone could smell it somehow, or see it moving. She wore big winter sweaters into April. When other kids headed outside for softball or Frisbee, Cassie stayed in a corner of the cafeteria, pretending not to see or hear.
The rumors that buzzed around her were like living things and they stung. Why would you want to leave your body? Then what? Suppose there are all sorts of really cool things up there?
Cassie pulled her fists into the sleeves of her sweater. And you understand. She was staring back at a group of girls who sat bunched together like wads of gum. Gail was tiny, but there was something about her that made other people smaller. The girls looked away.
It was summer and I could hear music coming from an open window and I realized that the pace of my steps was the same as the beat of the music, and the lady sang a high note that was so beautiful and my heart floated up high in my body I was suspended off the ground. Gail rolled her eyes. Cassie went back to reading. The connection between the two forms—the physical body and the astral body—is a golden cord.
And according to Mrs. Beatrice Warsaw, if it were not for that, for that connection with all that is loved, I would not return from weightlessness.
All that is loved. At one end of it she drew a lit match, at the other, a bomb, like in Road Runner cartoons. In early May her mother told the school that Cassie had mononucleosis and promised she would finish the rest of her schoolwork on her own. Adela came home with a neat stack of worksheets. Her father stopped at every Sunoco station claiming to need to smoke, pee, or stretch his legs, so the whole trip took nearly twice as long.
Aunt Liz and Uncle Harold had one son: Carl, long-legged, like his dad, a senior, meant to graduate high school in June. There had been a girl, Laura, but she died from leukemia when she was ten, so there was that. That cannot be gotten over. More often, though, it was.
Cassie and Adela were huddled together at a window, sun blasting a white stripe across their table. Cassie stared at the meter maid outside on the sidewalk, who was biting a hangnail that Cassie could tell was already bleeding. Women smiled at Cassie wherever she went. At Kmart, at the post office, when she was getting her bangs trimmed at Prime Cuts. She hated them all. But some day you might not even remember this time so much. Girls get through this and go on to have perfectly ordinary lives.
Not like heaven, not glow-y or anything. There are things that tie us together. Love can bind people together. Cassie rolled her eyes and stroked her belly in big, exaggerated circles. Do not hurry, since you may have been physically static for hours. It is not advisable to try astral projection on your own initially. The presence of an experienced guide is always recommended. Disclaimer : We respect your thoughts and views! But we need to be judicious while moderating your comments.
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To start, find a comfortable position in a quiet place where you will not be interrupted. Sitting upright in a chair is recommended as you may fall asleep while prostrate. Let meditational music float all around you, removing distracting sounds from your sphere of attention.
Then, banish all random thoughts. Imagine them flowing out into a earthen pot which you then break. Focus on your breathing. Inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Visualise yourself breathing in an atmosphere of peace, expelling disharmony with each exhalation. Like in meditation, focus on each part of your body starting with your feet and ending at your head.
When your mind starts drifting to other things, will it return to your mantra. At some point, you will suddenly realise that you have entered a heightened state of awareness.
Your inner self feels light, at the same time it is supremely aware with your sense of hearing having become very acute. At the same time, your body feels very heavy and relaxed. It is now time to begin your journey outward. Keep repeating the phrase you have used to reach your heightened state. In the first few instances, nothing may happen but as you keep practicing, sooner or later you will leave your physical body.
The novices tend to become disappointed: even when they have projected their astral bodies, the realisation itself jolts them back to their bodies. It takes persistence and endurance to leave the body perfectly.
As you begin to leave your body, the experience is akin to travelling in a moving vehicle. This is simply your astral body starting to separate from your physical body.
When an abundance of lights and colours appear in front of your eyes, you have reached the astral plane. Explore the realm by using your thoughts to move around. When it is time for you to return, just make the decision to come back to your physical body, and visualise yourself back in your body. Slowly, begin counting from 1 to 10, while focusing on each part of your body.
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